i'm signing you up for texting rehab
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
porn star boner night. come get it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
