i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
