how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
