dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
That's intense
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
