Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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