I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
