Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
