just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
