I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He? As in you personified your dick?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
