i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm always down for nudity.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
