Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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