ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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