He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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