so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
