So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
