I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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