So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
