This girl is more easily done than said...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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