Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
