what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
