i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
