Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
