took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
