I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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