people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
