I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
