i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
