Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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