should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
