I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
