my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
