He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
