Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
