I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
