she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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