my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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