"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
