HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
