my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
