I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
