the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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