Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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