I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I AM VODKA MAN
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
