He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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