God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
