I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i think my cat just said my name.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
