hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
