The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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