Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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