So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
