what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
