I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
